Xing

It’s so embarrassing being a tourist. They walk so slowly, and stop and stare at the silliest things in the streets, and take photos of everything. Hulking, sweating husbands walking backwards as they film their wives walking across the pigeon-infested place, or a bridge crammed with other hulking husbands and Italian gondoliers repeating ‘gondola, gondola’. Other tourists, wary of being cheated, try not to look desperate for an exotic experience on the canals while they ask the price. Then they end up reclining on tasteful little gold-and-red chairs as other tourists take pictures of them. So special.

How do people ever manage one-month tours of Europe? I’d need to spend at least three weeks, if not a couple of months, in each major city. When I’m ridiculously rich, I’ll pick out smart, lucky young people for company, to travel with me, and sponsor their trips. When I’m old, that is- I won’t have time for very young people till I’m at least semi-retired. Then again, I could do that for friends my own age. But it’s so much better to be a benevolent sugar-granny, and have the stupidity and enthusiasm of the little ones rub off on you.